Struggling to set boundaries without guilt? You’re not alone. A 2025 poll found that 72% of adults struggle to set boundaries, mostly because they fear being seen as rude or selfish.
In this episode of The Happy Neurotics Podcast, therapist Dr Todd Berntson and I unpack why boundaries are so hard, how childhood patterns shape our limits, and why flexible boundaries are healthier than rigid ones. With humour, research and compassion, we explore both the emotional roots and the practical tools that can help you say no without shame, and yes to yourself.
You’ll learn how to:
Understand the difference between internal and external boundaries
Recognise how childhood modelling affects the limits you set today
Use internal boundaries to manage your time, energy and goals
Practise flexible boundaries that adapt without collapsing
Reframe guilt and shame as natural growing pains, not red flags
Use resentment as a clue for where a new boundary is needed
Start small: set one internal and one external boundary this week
Why this matters
Boundaries aren’t about rejection or rudeness, they’re about self-respect, clarity and love. Without them, resentment, burnout and chaos creep in.
By reframing boundaries as a form of self-love, you can:
Protect your energy so you can show up more fully for others
Break generational cycles of poor or absent boundary-setting
Build healthier, more respectful relationships
Live more intentionally, aligned with your values instead of guilt
Create space for authenticity instead of obligation
🎧 Listen to the full episode for therapist insights, reflective exercises and a weekly challenge to help you set boundaries without burning out.
Timestamps
00:00 – Welcome and Brené Brown’s quote on boundaries and self-love
01:15 – Stats: why 72% of people struggle with boundaries
01:33 – What boundaries are and how they protect energy and capacity
02:55 – Internal vs external boundaries: what they mean and how they differ
06:00 – Internal boundaries and time management
08:10 – Shame, guilt and the danger of rigid self-expectations
10:42 – ‘Stay true to the impulse but be flexible in the form’
11:36 – Boundaries reduce burnout, resentment and chaos
13:54 – Childhood modelling and why many people never learned boundaries
16:20 – ‘What we project is what we attract’: how poor boundaries mirror in relationships
20:47 – Inner child dynamics and how generational habits shape our present
22:04 – Why pushback hurts like physical pain — and what to do about it
23:23 – The power of the resentment audit and setting micro-boundaries
25:17 – The weekly challenge: set one internal and one external boundary
26:58 – Outro: discomfort is part of growth
Key takeaways
Boundaries are an act of self-respect and clarity, not selfishness.
We have two types: external (with others) and internal (with ourselves).
Boundary struggles often stem from childhood modelling, not personal failure.
Internal boundaries help us manage time, focus and emotional energy.
Flexible boundaries are stronger than rigid ones because they adapt with intention.
Pushback can feel as painful as physical pain — but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
A ‘resentment audit’ helps pinpoint where a new boundary is overdue.
Start small: practise one internal and one external boundary this week.
But that’s not all — we’re kicking off The Happy Neurotics Podcast with three episodes today, so you can dive in wherever resonates most:
🎧 Episode 002 – The Cost of Being Nice: Why People-Pleasing Isn’t What You Think
People-pleasing isn’t kindness — it’s often a survival strategy rooted in the ‘fawn’ response. In this episode, we unpack how self-betrayal hides beneath “niceness” and share practical tools to help you start saying no despite the guilt.🎧 Episode 003 – Boundaries Without Burnout: Why Saying No Is an Act of Self-Respect
Boundaries aren’t about rejection, they’re about clarity and self-respect. Learn how internal and external boundaries protect your energy, reduce resentment, and help you say yes to yourself without burning out.
💬 Your turn: Which do you find harder — setting boundaries with yourself, or with others? What would one small, doable boundary look like this week? Hit reply and share your reflections.
📩 If one of these episodes resonated, we’d love for you to share it with someone who matters to you. Every share helps us grow the Happy Neurotics community; one beautifully imperfect human at a time. Also feel free to subscribe to The Happy Neurotics Podcast for more conversations on self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and healthy relationships.
