What comes to mind when you hear the word lying? Most of us were taught from childhood that lying is bad, full stop. But the truth is, everyone lies, and not all dishonesty is created equal. Sometimes it protects, sometimes it avoids, sometimes it manipulates.
In this episode of The Happy Neurotics Podcast, Dr. Todd Berntson and I explore the complex gray area of lying: why people do it, when it can be useful, and when it becomes destructive. We talk about dishonesty as a tool of social interaction, unpack three main reasons people lie, and reflect on how honesty can be weaponized.
By looking at lies through a more nuanced lens, we can better understand ourselves, our relationships, and how truth and dishonesty mirror back what we most need to face.
You’ll learn how to:
Understand three main reasons people lie: fear and shame, sparing feelings, and shielding from reality
Recognize when dishonesty is protective versus manipulative
Spot “weaponized honesty” and why cruelty isn’t the same as truth
Ask reflective questions when you encounter dishonesty (in others or yourself)
Notice how dishonesty often mirrors back your own discomfort
Reflect on the pivotal question: Who does this lie serve?
Why this matters
Lies are part of being human. But when we see dishonesty only as “bad,” we miss the opportunity to ask the deeper questions: What is being avoided? Whose needs are being served? What does this reveal about me?
By approaching lying with nuance and compassion, you can:
Better understand your own motives when you bend the truth
Build healthier relationships rooted in honesty without cruelty
See dishonesty as a mirror for self-reflection rather than just betrayal
Hold space for presence instead of rushing to fix, cover, or comfort
🎧 Listen to the full episode for personal reflections, clinical insights, and real-life examples of when dishonesty harms — and when it helps.
💬 Your turn to reflect: Think about the last time you caught yourself lying — even a “small” lie — what was underneath it? Fear of rejection? Sparing someone’s feelings? Avoiding your own discomfort?
Timestamps
00:03 – Introduction: why lying is part of the human experience
02:15 – Three main reasons people lie
03:12 – Lying from shame or fear of rejection (Reddit age example)
06:08 – Mirrors: what dishonesty shows us about ourselves
07:12 – White lies and sparing feelings
08:55 – The “sausage dress” example: honesty vs. emotional management
11:14 – Weaponized honesty: when truth is used as cruelty
13:22 – Reflecting on your own patterns of dishonesty
13:26 – Third reason: shielding others from the harshness of reality
15:30 – Presence vs. false hope: what people really need in pain
17:45 – Asking: who is this lie serving?
19:48 – Manipulation, gaslighting, and dishonesty at others’ expense
21:06 – Closing reflections and listener challenge
📩 If this episode resonated, share it with someone who’d appreciate a fresh take on honesty and self-reflection. Every share helps us grow The Happy Neurotics community; one beautifully imperfect human at a time. Subscribe for weekly conversations on emotional intelligence, relationships, and the messy art of being human.
