We throw around the word toxic a lot these days, but does every painful argument or difficult dynamic mean the relationship is doomed?
If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship is ‘toxic’ or simply struggling, this episode will bring some much-needed clarity.
In this episode of The Happy Neurotics Podcast, Dr Todd and I break down what truly defines a functional, struggling, or toxic relationship. We talk about the five emotional skills that help couples grow together, why conflict can actually deepen intimacy, and what separates repairable struggles from genuinely toxic dynamics.
You’ll learn how to:
Recognise the five hallmarks of a functional relationship
Understand why conflict isn’t a red flag — but unresolved conflict can be
Spot the biggest barrier to repair (and why being ‘right’ can keep you stuck)
Identify what makes a relationship truly toxic versus simply struggling
Use accountability, repair and emotional maturity to shift patterns
Reclaim your power by tending to your needs instead of managing someone else’s emotions
Why this matters
‘Toxic’ has become a catch-all label but not every hard moment qualifies. Many couples get stuck not because the relationship is broken, but because they lack the skills to navigate conflict and repair.
By redefining what toxic really means, you can:
Stop pathologising repairable struggles
Build resilience by practising accountability and repair
Recognise when you’re abandoning yourself in painful dynamics
Decide more clearly when space, support or separation is needed
Free yourself from waiting for others to change by reclaiming your own agency
🎧 Listen to the full episode for stories, therapist insights and practical steps to help you navigate difficult relationships with clarity and compassion.
Launch note 🎉
We’re kicking off The Happy Neurotics Podcast with three episodes today, so you can dive in wherever resonates most:
🎧 Episode 001 – Toxic or Just Struggling? How to Tell the Difference in Your Relationships
Start here: we explore what separates a repairable struggle from a truly toxic dynamic, and the five emotional skills that make relationships functional.🎧 Episode 002 – The Cost of Being Nice: Why People-Pleasing Isn’t What You Think
People-pleasing isn’t kindness — it’s often a survival strategy rooted in the ‘fawn’ response. We unpack how self-betrayal hides beneath “niceness” and share practical tools to help you start saying no without guilt.🎧 Episode 003 – Boundaries Without Burnout: Why Saying No Is an Act of Self-Respect
Boundaries aren’t about rejection, they’re about clarity and self-respect. Learn how internal and external boundaries protect your energy, reduce resentment, and help you say yes to yourself without burning out.
Timestamps – Episode 001
00:00 – Intro: What makes a relationship toxic (and what doesn’t)
02:16 – Five criteria of a functional relationship
04:44 – Why conflict can be a sign of emotional intimacy
06:23 – The #1 barrier to post-conflict repair: the need to be right
08:01 – Are we labelling something toxic that’s actually repairable?
10:17 – Functional vs struggling relationships: what makes the difference
11:57 – Accountability: you can only work on your side of the street
14:23 – Why so many of us don’t know what healthy looks like
15:38 – Defining truly toxic relationships: the emotionally unregulated partner
19:54 – Self-abandonment in toxic dynamics: the mirror principle
23:16 – What do you do when the other person can’t change?
25:54 – Managing someone else’s emotions vs reclaiming your own
27:40 – The power of temporary distance and self-healing
28:59 – Wrap-up and next steps for listeners
Resources mentioned
📖 Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson → A powerful guide for those raised in emotionally neglectful or dysfunctional environments.
🔗 Quote referenced: “Life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you are not yet free.” — Peter Crone
💬 Your turn: Have you ever labeled a relationship toxic only to realise later it was more about missing skills than malice? How did you tell the difference? Hit reply and share your story.
📩 If these episodes resonated, we’d love for you to share them with someone who matters to you. Every share helps us grow The Happy Neurotics community — one beautifully imperfect human at a time.
