What happens when one parent can’t let go — or when the other never shows up?
In this episode of The Happy Neurotics Podcast, Dr Todd Berntson and I explore how the balance of masculine and feminine energies in our families of origin affects the adults we become.
This is the third part of our family dynamics series: after looking at the impact of absent parents and over-involved parents, we turn to the deeper layer of polarity. We talk about how the feminine (nurturance, safety, body, connection) and the masculine (direction, structure, mind, agency) complement each other, and what happens when either is distorted or missing.
You’ll learn how to:
Understand masculine and feminine energies beyond gender
Recognise how each energy supports child development (0–7: nurturance, 7+: agency)
Spot how absent, authoritarian or overprotective parents distort these energies
Notice the ways we overcompensate in adulthood when balance is missing
See your relationships as mirrors of your own imbalance
Ask reflective questions to become aware of your patterns
Practise flexibility, the key to restoring balance
Why this matters
The words masculine and feminine can feel loaded, but underneath them are universal human needs: safety, nurturance, direction, agency. When either energy is absent or distorted, children grow into adults who are either overprotected and underprepared — or directionless and unsupported.
By exploring your own balance of these energies, you can:
Understand why you repeat certain patterns in relationships
Free yourself from rigid roles you may have inherited
Integrate the strengths of both energies in your own life
Use awareness and flexibility to break generational cycles
🎧 Listen to the full episode for clinical insights, personal reflections and a weekly challenge to help you step outside your comfort zone and reclaim balance.
Timestamps
00:00 – Intro and series recap
01:04 – What masculine and feminine energies mean beyond gender
03:36 – Childhood stages: attachment to the feminine (0–7) and individuation through the masculine (7+)
05:20 – When fathers are absent or mothers can’t let go
08:49 – Overprotection, authoritarianism and their effects on boys and girls
09:47 – Research: the impact of absent fathers
11:00 – How maternal trauma can block trust in masculinity
12:01 – Personal reflection: the ‘man haters glasses’
13:12 – Couples as mirrors of imbalance
18:45 – Reflection prompts for spotting your imbalance
21:27 – Why flexibility is the true goal
22:04 – Case example: letting a partner step in
23:45 – Weekly challenge: practise flexibility
Key takeaways
Both masculine and feminine energies are essential — balance matters more than rigid roles.
Childhood experiences strongly shape how we embody these energies as adults.
Overcompensation (e.g. women becoming overly masculine when safe masculinity was absent) is common.
Relationships mirror where we’re stuck and where growth is possible.
Our triggers often show us the qualities we most need to integrate.
Flexibility — being able to step outside your comfort zone — is the key to balance.
💬 Your turn to reflect: Do you tend to lean too much into your masculine or your feminine side? How do you see that showing up in your relationships?
📩 If this episode resonated, we’d love for you to share it with someone who matters to you. Every share helps us grow the Happy Neurotics community; one beautifully imperfect human at a time. Also feel free to subscribe to The Happy Neurotics Podcast for more conversations on self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and healthy relationships.
